Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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