I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
soo... how was my night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
