when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
