yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
