i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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