apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think your dad took our porno
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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