woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
