Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
