You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
