when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
