i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm always down for nudity.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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