I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Operation Purity has been aborted
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
