just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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