there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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