We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
