Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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