My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No subtext here. People are naked.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
