it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize