I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
