my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
