I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
