Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
