Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
