Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
