Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
