Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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