The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
