I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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