I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
