Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
