honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
