I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
