This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
