you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
