i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
