Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
