It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
