Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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