wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize