Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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