the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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