Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
