Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
