Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
