moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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