The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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