I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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