you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
