doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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