yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
one two three fourrrrnication!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
