okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
