He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I take back everything I said about communal showers
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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