I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
