I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
