In the future we'll all be gay
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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