That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
