Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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