Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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