I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
