You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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