we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize