Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
