I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
