The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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