i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
