We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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