are you still at the devil's house?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
