official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
