Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize