Betty ford says i'm here all night
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
