I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
