I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
