there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
