just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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